


The Batchair(s) Issue

by NightFlier



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Family Fluff, Gen, Overall silliness, Past Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson, Past Dick Grayson/Koriand'r
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 14,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26501989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightFlier/pseuds/NightFlier
Summary: Duke Thomas feels like an outsider, and not just because he's part of the new Outsiders team roster. He's the newest member of the legendary Batclan and hasn't yet formed the close bonds that the others share. Not to mention, he's the only active Meta on the team. As if it wasn't hard enough to relate with people with such colorful, unique backgrounds.But it's okay! Duke has a plan and it'll probably work for a while before crashing & burning. BatShenanigans ahead.
Relationships: Alfred Pennyworth & Duke Thomas, Cassandra Cain & Duke Thomas, Dick Grayson & Duke Thomas, Duke Thomas & Bruce Wayne, Duke Thomas & Damian Wayne, Duke Thomas & Jason Todd, Duke Thomas/Isabella “Izzy” Ortiz, Stephanie Brown & Duke Thomas, Stephanie Brown/Cassandra Cain, Tim Drake & Duke Thomas
Comments: 68
Kudos: 124





	1. Duke's Problem-Solving

Duke Thomas prided himself on being the fresh eyes in the Batclan, in which the older members had so much convoluted history that a current argument or strange habit could be peeled away to find its root from several years prior.

Sure, he also missed out on some inside jokes… he had absolutely no idea what could have happened that the name “Crazy Quilt” made Nightwing and Oracle burst into peals of laughter followed by a deep, nostalgic sigh.

But he also got a pass on a lot of the drama. Like the Robin-dying-at least-once-rule. He didn’t mind being unable to rub a former demise in the others’ faces (which Jason especially got an unreasonable amount of enjoyment from).

Most importantly, the position helped him find solutions to long-endured problems. Mostly little stuff but it was still worth it. Since joining the Outsiders, Duke hadn’t had much time to hang out with the Batclan besides Cass and Bruce (fellow members). Maybe scoring some brownie points now would earn him his own inside joke later.

In fact, he was about to initiate some classic Duke problem-solving right now. He walked over to the (comically) large Batcomputer where Damian, Dick, and Jason hovered over Tim.

Jason put a hand on the Batchair (maybe nobody else called it that but there were legit no other chairs in the cave, so in Duke’s mind it deserved the honorific) and leaned over Tim’s shoulder. Red Robin tensed but otherwise ignored him.

“Hey,” Jason grunted, “I’ll let you mess with some gear the Outlaws liberated from CADMUS if ya let me use the Batcomputer for a minute.”

“I’m almost done,” Tim replied without tearing his gaze from the screen.

“You have been here for five hours straight, Drake!” Damian growled. “If you were able to make any use of the vast network of information then it already would’ve happened. I, on the other hand, possess actual work to do.”

“Shut it, demon brat,” Tim scoffed, “don’t you have the Teen Titans’ computer at your disposal? Or did the team kick you out of the Tower already?”

“TT,” Damian’s frown hardened, “big words from a team leader whose team fell apart. Twice.”

“Hey, Dami, we talked about this,” Dick ran his fingers through Damian’s spiky hair, the only one able to do that without getting bit, “there are better ways to get what you want than resorting to trash-talk. Besides you shouldn’t pick a fight with Tim, especially when he’s been working so hard.”

Dick turned his dark blue eyes to Tim’s black-ringed ones. “Timbo, how have you not had a single bathroom break?” Dick gestured to the giant coffee mug on the desk. “Let me look over your case for a while, so you can get some rest and come back to it with fresh eyes.”

“You’re all too late,” Tim rolled his eyes at his adoptive brothers, “I already promised the Batcomputer to Cass once I’ve finished.”

“Are you kidding me? She isn’t even here—oh shit!” Jason wasn’t the only one to flinch. Undetected by them all, Cass had crept up behind them to watch the argument.

Duke decided to take advantage of the shocked silence before they lapsed back into a fight. “Hey, so I’ve been wondering…” All four sets of eyes lasered in on Duke. “Why can’t we just split up the Batcomputer? It’d be easy enough to set up additional screens and there’s more than enough space for extra chairs. I know I’m tired of leaning over someone’s shoulder to read case reports.” He released a politician’s chuckle.

The silence lasted five awkward seconds until…

“Don’t be daft, Thomas,” Damian rolled his poison-green eyes at him, “Father decided on this setup himself.”

“Yeah, back when he was the solo vigilante in all of Gotham,” Duke shrugged casually, “but it’s gotten crowded in the cave. We all got important workloads to go through.”

“It would help our productivity…” Tim mused thoughtfully.

“I don’t care. I’m hardly ever here, but have you brought up the idea to Bruce?” Jason grinned slyly. “I bet he’d hate giving up his captain chair.”

“I think I could convince him,” Dick drummed his blue-striped fingers together, “and if not me, Cass totally could.”

Cass smiled and nodded.

“Fine,” Damian acquiesced, “I believe he is in the sitting room now.”

“Later,” the guys parted like the Red Sea to let Cass approach, “after my turn.” Tim wisely didn’t protest as Cass pushed him off and took his spot at the Batcomputer.


	2. Musical Batchairs

As it turned out, convincing Bruce was the easy part. Duke guessed he wasn’t a big fan of sharing the Batcomputer either. Installing the additional screens and keyboards also didn’t take up any time. Choosing the new chairs, however, took a lot of internet surfing and consideration.

Finally, they all arrived. The ragtag lineup of chairs could’ve made home at a second-hand store if they weren’t all so new.

Tim needed a chair with a cup holder, good back support, and a connected storage place for his physical files. Sensible enough.

Dick wanted a wheeled chair that spun, but that was still better than his original idea of ditching individual chairs in favor of one humongous couch for everyone to crowd together on.

No one expected Damian to get a gaming chair, but he swore on his grandfather's immortality that its firm padding and arm rests promised an ideal position for a long-term sitting.

Jason, well, Duke was pretty sure that the Red Hood ordered the rocking chair for laughs, but Alfred actually got some use out of it.

Of course Steph was going to jump on board. After overfilling her online cart with options, Cass finally put her girlfriend out of her indecisive misery and chose a purple, soft-cushioned chair for them both. Purposefully, it had a strong headrest on which Cass could perch. Cass didn’t want her own chair, she never liked being tied down to one place for too long. Besides, if she ever needed good info, she could just call her hacking-goddess of a mentor.

Barbara herself snickered at the offer of a Batchair and quickly turned it down. She was very content in the Clock Tower, _thank you very much_. No one knew how to contact Batwoman during her crime-fighting road trip with her bae Renee Montoya. Batman, of course, kept the original Batchair.

So that just left Duke.

Last-minute, Duke took his cousin Jay’s old chair that he was about to donate. It was worn and had some scratches on the arms, but Duke wasn’t uber comfortable spending Bruce’s money outside vigilante work. Besides, his dad taught him to be thrifty.

Seating order was chosen rather quickly. Perhaps too quickly…

Bruce stayed smack dab in the middle, the metal chair was welded to the floor and not going anywhere.

Tim stayed on his far left where no one could keep an eye on his coffee count.

As Stephanie and Cass stayed close on his left side, Bruce suffered through Steph’s constant chatting. Don’t get him wrong. Duke recognized the proud dad behind Batman’s gruff exterior. Bruce enjoyed hearing about his kids’ lives, but he preferred answering in one-worded replies or grunts.

Stephanie's in-depth conversations required much more input than that. Above of her, Cass sat on the headrest and rested her feet on the armrests. She happily played with her girlfriend’s long, blond hair. Steph got her into makeover vids and currently Cass was mastering a Dutch braid. Leftover barrettes and bobby pins from past experimentations littered the desk and floor around them.

At Bruce’s right hand side, Alfred would more and more often take a break on Jason’s rocking chair to update his homemaking blog. Sitting right next to him, Duke once snuck a peek and found some pretty solid, if random, advice on how to remove chandelier shards from the carpet. Perhaps the butler shouldn’t have been using the advanced tech for such casual use, but no one could tell Alfred ‘no.’ At least, not if they wanted him to make their favorite dish again.

Besides, he wasn’t the only one taking advantage...

Duke often found himself watching Damian play _Cheese Vikings_ on the Batcomputer. For sure, Damian would gain a large viewership online if he uploaded his game playthroughs. _Cheese Vikings_ wasn’t the best-selling game, but Damian’s aggressive playing hit sky high on entertainment value.

Somehow the kid found out how to tame the sea beast boss and ordered it to devour the other Vikings. Even more amusing, the 13-year-old had the mouth of an angry aristocrat. Never had Duke heard the words, “begone, knave, etc.,“ outside of a Shakespeare play before. Not to mention the colorful-sounding Arabic.

Poor Alfred the cat would often clamber into Duke lap, after being too bothered by Damian’s wild handling of the game joystick.

At the very end on the right, Dick fidgeted in his chair. How the most social of them all ended up isolated was a mystery. Damian, who usually lapped up his older brother’s attention, now refused any distraction from his game. All Duke could do was give Dick a sympathetic shoulder shrug.

Duke was only able to spark up with a conversation with Damian once. He mentioned that there were some sites with Cheese Viking cheat codes and Damian grilled him for more details. For those three minutes, Duke acquired Batman-level hero worship in the kid’s eyes.

As much as Duke loved working on the Batcomputer, he’d find himself stretching and taking a walk. He would offer some quiet encouragement during Damian’s intense gaming sessions, pick up a fallen hair tie for Cass, or reveal his dad’s own cleaning tricks to Alfred.

After a while, he felt more comfortable to move around and chat with the others. Steph was the easiest. Unlike the others, she also had a (relatively speaking) normal childhood. Much more relatable than fighting assassins or riding elephants. Duke could also relate with having an evil, absentee birth father.

Having gone up against the Riddler, Duke felt capable enough to help her track down copycats of her dad, the nefarious Cluemaster.

Cass should’ve been the first for him to connect with, with them both being on the new Outsiders team, but she was so quiet. Embarrassing to admit, her serious eyes unnerved him as she seemed to see right through him. After enduring another of her intense visual studies, he expected her to look away again. Instead, she surprised him.

“Can I braid your hair?” Cass pointed a comb at Duke.

“Huh?”

“It’s very beautiful like Steph’s,” she patted Spoiler’s hair bun, “I would like to do it.”

“Oh,” Duke hesitated, “that’s a kind offer, Cass, but my hair needs a different sort of care than Steph’s.”

“I’m aware,” for once, Cass’ gaze didn’t feel so intimidating, “I have done Steel’s hair before and she has found it satisfactory.”

Duke’s never personally been acquainted with Natasha Irons, but he’s seen her at super meetings with her helmet off before. Her braids were always on point. Cass must have known what she was doing to meet Steel’s expectations. Still, Duke wasn’t so sure. He never let anyone but family touch his hair before.

Cass took his silence as a ‘no,’

“I understand,” she looked away. How could there be so much disappointment conveyed in two words?

“Wait,” Duke blurted, “actually I’ve been wanting to do something new with my hair for a while now.” If he could trust Orphan with his life, he supposed he could trust Cass with his locks. He waited for her to gather the right tools.

She took him to the Batcave sink to wash and stretch his hair. As the minutes grew into an hour, she opened up to him. He learned more about her upbringing and own evil parents. And got teased again for having a MINOR crush on Lady Shiva. Really, who could blame him? Shiva was a beautiful badass.

Doing the braids took three more hours of Cass’ strong yet gentle handling. It wasn’t how he was planning on spending his evening, but Duke ended up admiring his new box braids in the reflection of his helmet visor.

Tim was a no-go until Duke switched out his coffee for water. Eventually the young CEO relaxed enough to maintain a conversation. It turned out they were both major Magic: The Gathering fans (or nerds as Steph called them). Tim helped him track down a seller who held some cards that Duke needed for his set.

Duke loitered around Bruce for a bit before he gathered the courage to approach Nightwing. The blue and black bird hardly ever was in the area. He had his own city to protect. Actually, Duke was pretty sure Nightwing took advantage of the Batcave’s resources to visit and check up on his family.

Duke had no reason to be wary of the man. He wasn’t physically intimidating. Unlike the bulky and giant Bruce and Jason, Dick was relatively short at 5’5 with a slender acrobatic form. Almost always Duke caught Dick with a smile on his face, the bright white of his teeth shining against his dark golden skin.

Nope. No siree. There was no reason to be nervous except that he was in the presence of the first Robin. At the same age that Duke had been going to his first soccer games, Dick had been battling baddies like Two-Face. Of course Duke harbored a healthy amount of respect for him. Dick single-handedly took down the Court of Owls!

Then again Dick also left him stranded on top of a skyscraper for the cops to nab during the Robin War. That was a jerk move.

The thing about Dick Grayson, however, was that it was near impossible to stay mad at him. The guy was too friendly. He could charm fellow superheroes, cops, and even chatted up repeat offenders while putting on their cuffs.

More importantly to Duke, Dick actually asked about his developing meta powers. None of the others did. Even Batman only brought it up when he wanted to run tests. Maybe because his powers didn’t fit the whole Batman brand.

He was the only meta on the team besides Gotham Girl who had a very serious reason for not using her abilities. Just another difference to make him feel more like an outsider (pun not intended.)

Duke didn’t train to death at Nanda Parbat. Nor did he grow up on a trapeze bar or live off the streets. He didn’t even scientifically engineer his powers in a lab like so many of their rogues seemed to. No, his powers were given to him by SUPERVILLIANS, first his birth father and then Ishmael. He didn’t deserve to have them. All he could do was try to use them for good as the Signal.

However, Dick didn’t make him feel like less of a hero for having them. He was genuinely interested and even… Duke could hardly believe it but Nightwing seemed impressed by him.

“Man, I would kill to be able to see in the dark,” Dick shook his head ruefully at Duke.

“You’ve got the night vision mask though,” Duke blushed at Dick’s unhidden admiration.

“Unless they’re hacked into. That happened to me during my stint in Chicago,” Nightwing groaned, “don’t tell Bruce, but those five-weeks of blindfold training did come in handy then.”

“You’ve got my word.”

“Actually, Duke, my friend Starfire has light-related powers as well. I know she’d be dying to talk with you. Do you mind if we gave her a call?” Dick asked.

“Um, sure. That’d be cool,” Duke’s eyes widened behind his mask. Because of his lightning, Jefferson sort of got Duke’s abilities. But the Tamaranean hero was basically MADE out of light. It’d be a great opportunity to compare notes. Not to mention, she was a bigshot in the Justice League. Who in their right mind would turn down a call from her?

During Duke’s reverie, Dick already brought Starfire on his screen. They were bickering about some old mission. Their playful teasing reminded Duke of his parents of before… Before his old life was blown to bits. Duke shook his head to get rid of the depressing thoughts. Focusing back on the two heroes, he wondered if they had a history.

Jason Todd was the last Batmember that Duke got to build up some rapport with. Maybe he should’ve been more wary of the infamous Red Hood, but he’s heard the word “bamboozled” leave his lips in complete sincerity before. Bam-booze-led. Enough said.

Besides, Dick already gave him some pointers on dealing with his more mercurial sibling.

At first, Duke thought Jason was going to quietly walk past him like usual to take a seat. It was pretty disorienting to see the large, muscled man completely at ease in the rocking chair. However, Jason stopped in his tracks once he saw Duke’s book.

“You like Jane Austin?”

“I have read all her books,” Duke shrugged modestly.

“Your favorite?”

“ _Pride and Prejudice_ , hands down.”

“Huh,” Jason grunted and continued to his seat. Several minutes passed in silence. Duke was about to break it when Jason beat him to it.

“It’s not just a love story,” Duke looked at Jason in surprise but kept quiet, “a lot of people who haven’t read it just assume. But it’s really about Lizzy Bennet’s personal journey.”

“Exactly. And I love the way the story is framed. Austen has really inspired my own writing-style,” Duke patted the book cover fondly.

“You write?” Jason’s eyebrows raised in surprise.

“I mean, it’s a bit of a passion of mine,” Duke grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear your thoughts/ constructive criticism :)


	3. Batchair Madness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is what happens when you leave a (dysfunctional) family in one place for too long...

As much as Duke enjoyed having the Batclan in one place (that's not a rooftop or dark alley), all the together time was becoming too much.

For starters, people were getting a bit too comfortable at their work stations. Tim had started to leave his empty coffee mugs and dirty plates around.

Dick would sit with his feet up on the desk, and with their nightlife, who knows where those boots had been.

Taking advantage of the Batcomputer’s superior resolution, Stephanie and Cass started watching women’s professional wrestling on their screen. And the fights were LOUD.

Even worse was Damian. He discovered how to play _Cheese Vikings_ online with Jon, Colin, and Maya. And Duke thought he was talkative when playing alone.

Worst of all, some of the Batclan members, not naming names, wouldn’t shower while in the middle of a big case. And the Batcave’s ventilation couldn’t work miracles.

Honestly, Duke was surprised no one had snapped sooner…

Jason came in with a bad mood. A drug bust went south and a bystander paid the price for it. He wanted to hunt down the guilty mobsters digitally and then physically.

That day, Alfred was in the rocking chair and deep into a voice call with several housewives and househusbands. They were all fascinated by his expertise in cleaning out blood stains.

Needless to say, all the other chairs were occupied. Jason wasn’t going to bother his adoptive grandpa, so he took on another target.

“Get off, Damian,” Jason scowled at the kid.

“Over my dead body,” Damian legit snarled, “my team and I have nearly conquered the Macaroni Beast in level 8.”

“The Macaroni Beast can go to hell! Someone died, Damian. Get out of the damn chair!”

“Hey, Dami,” Dick butted in before Damian could explode, “wanna sit on my lap like old times? I found some amazing videos of Kalari matches that you’d enjoy.”

Duke gave Dick kudos for trying, but not much. If Dick was being truly altruistic, he’d have just given Jason his chair. Duke would’ve, but momentarily he was in the middle of downloading a big file.

Damian ignored Dick and stood on his chair to tower over Jason.

“I wouldn’t expect a Neanderthal like you to understand the value of this fighting simulation. It stimulates strategic thinking, improves hand eye coordination, and builds teamwork!”

“It’s a _game_ ,” Jason enunciated slowly, “for children. Everyone is made out of cheese!”

“And yet, they’re still more formidable in a fight than a wannabe Robin like you,” Damian shot back.

“I’ll show you formidable!” They moved so fast. Duke couldn't tell if Damian had flung himself at the older guy or if Jason yanked the kid off of the chair.

It took everyone there to break up the two before any major injuries were had. Tim wasn’t so lucky. In his haste to get up, he knocked over a full coffee mug and now was dripping with hot liquid. Stephanie’s half-finished hair looked like a warzone after wrangling Damian away.

At least Jason and Damian had the courtesy to act ashamed when Alfred gave them a disapproving look. They definitely wouldn’t be getting their favorite dishes for the foreseeable future.

Something had to be done. Duke had created monsters out of the Batclan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think will happen next? :)


	4. The Alliance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duke finds some unexpected allies in his quest to fix the problem that he created when trying to solve another problem.

Duke found unexpected allies in the former Batgirls. They gathered in Cass and Stephanie's studio apartment to discuss the situation (Duke was shocked at the amount of their purple throw pillows and hidden swords). 

Everyone agreed that just asking to take away the extra chairs wouldn’t work.

“These guys are all too bull-headed to admit that there’s a problem,” Stephanie folded her arms together, “we have to be smart about this.”

“Like put gum on all their seats? Or cut off the chair legs and wheels?” Duke suggested, only half-joking.

“They need to come to the conclusion themselves,” Cass determined.

“But they’re having trouble agreeing on anything right now…” Stephanie sighed.

“Then some of them need to go…” Duke rubbed his chin and considered the different possibilities.


	5. BatScheming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And a plan is born! Out of cartoony drawings? Why not :)

One week later, Damian and Steph were headed off to Japan.

Not long ago, a new version of _Cheese Vikings_ was released. Only available at a specific arcade in Tokyo. Although, their official purpose for going was to meet Jiro Osamu and aid him in taking down some Yakuza. For _Cheese Vikings_ , Damian could play nice with the “Batman of Japan.” There were definitely easier ways to get Damian out of the cave, but Steph really wanted to visit Japan. So it was a win-win-win.

All Duke and Cass had to do was take care of Damian’s many pets in the meantime. Easy peasy.

Starfire was on planet for the week, so Duke asked Nightwing to set them up for a meeting with her the next day, but then (oh so unfortunately) Duke had to back out. He insisted that Nightwing go on anyway and catch up with his old Titan friend.

The other three’s absences were lucky coincidences. Jason was already headed out on an Outlaws mission. Alfred added a sedative to Tim’s food after the young hero nearly ran himself ragged on a week of nonstop work. Finally, Lucius insisted on Bruce Wayne’s attendance for a series of business meetings.

It was time for Cass and Duke to set the next stage of their plan in motion. Duke flashbacked to their scheming...

_“Hey, care to share your thoughts? Or will you keep imitating a black-and-white screen villain?” Stephanie cocked a judgmental eyebrow at Duke. He self-consciously moved his hand away from his chin._

_“Sorry, I was just thinking. Remember that last copycat case we were on? Where the baddies hacked AirPods to relay their riddles to the university students?”_

_“Duh, that case was especially hard to crack because we couldn’t tell who’d be targeted next.”_

_“But we managed to delay their plan long enough to catch them by spreading that rumor about ear fungus because you figured out it was a—“_

_“Gordian Knot!” Stephanie clasped her hands together. “If the problem is impossible to solve, then get rid of the problem!”_

_“If we could get to one person alone— the only guy that they’ll all listen to without complaint—and convince him, then the chairs won’t be an issue anymore,” Duke explained._

_“Alfred,” Cass realized._

_“Exactly,” Duke nodded excitedly._

_“Okay, I like where this is headed,” Stephanie smiled devilishly, “but we need to be organized in order to trick the other Bats.” She walked away and came out with a large whiteboard on wheels._

_You own a giant whiteboard?” Duke wondered out loud._

_“You don’t?” Duke had no response for that, so the trio started brainstorming._

_By the end of it, Stephanie had covered the whiteboard with impressively well-drawn, cartoony depictions of everyone acting out their plan._

_“Woah, you drew this fast,” Duke complimented Spoiler._

_“I’ve had practice,” Stephanie shrugged nonchalantly, but her cheeks went rosy when Cass landed a soft kiss on her cheek._

_“Damian would be jealous,” Cass teased her girlfriend._

_“Well, he does put all his efforts in a single, more realistic style…” Stephanie grinned._

_“Ahem,” Duke hated to interrupt, but they’ve been there for a while now. He wanted a few hours of sleep before meeting up with his girlfriend Izzy later, “so at the beginning… we’ll get the other Bats out of the cave-”_

_“Then create the biggest Batmess ever seen!” Stephanie interrupted._

_“Alfred will be horrified,” Cass carried on._

_“And will ban the extra chairs privilege, effective immediately,” Duke finished._

_“It’s gotta be really messy to phase Alfie though,” Stephanie warned them, “he’s seen A LOT from his days in the army and here.”_

_“I think we can handle it,” Duke smiled tiredly (did villains take naps after scheming? It felt like they should), “it’s not like we haven’t handled harder cases. What could go wrong?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Duke. What could go wrong?...


	6. To Provoke A Butler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter today! But they'll get longer at the end.

Once the Batcave was devoid of Bats, not counting the ones flying in the rafters, Cass and Duke got to work.

First off, they turned off the cameras to avoid getting recorded in the act. Then came the fun part (which doubled as the gross part).

Around Tim’s workstation, Cass added fresh coffee stains to the existing ones and crumbled up a muffin on top of the keyboard. She laid his borrowed Superboy jacket half on the chair and half off the chair. To finish it off, she strewed some outdated case files over everything. They didn’t want to oversell the mess, but this was also Tim. If anyone was going to tip Alfred over the edge, it would be the Pack Rat Wonder. It couldn’t just be Tim though. Sacrifices had to be made.

She moved onto Stephanie’s and her area. Cass plucked out some old hair from her brushes to string around the purple chair. Some shurikens were placed precariously on the edge of the desk. Last but not least, fast food wrappers. Alfred would be horrified.

On his side, Duke put some old boots— complete with a stray sock tucked inside— beneath Dick’s chair. Along with some more fast food wrappers, Duke added a cereal bowl (still half full with milk and leftover Count Chocula kernels) precariously close to the Batcomputer controls. On the back of Dick’s chair, Duke draped some spare costumes. According to Stephanie, the first Boy Wonder was known for just chucking those willy nilly.

Duke raided the paper bin in Damian’s room in order to scatter his bunched-up, drawing rejects around the kid’s workspace. Besides that, Duke felt like the tangled horror of his headset and game controller’s cables were enough.

At his own workplace, Duke carefully removed a half-finished puzzle (that would depict the Gotham skyline) from its box and laid it down on the desk. More carelessly, he threw the rest of the puzzle pieces on the chair and floor. Next he placed some Magic: The Gathering cards underneath one side of his keyboard, to make it uneven. Nothing too important from his deck, just useless situational spells and pricey rip-offs.

Drastically changing up Alfred and Jason’s workspace would be too much of a risk. The only thing Duke did was put an old copy of Sense And Sensibility on the seat. With several dog-eared pages. Hopefully Alfred didn’t ban Jason from the manor library for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were Alfred, which workstation mess would you be most upset about? :)


	7. To Sit on a Secret

Meeting in the middle, Cass and Duke stopped at the OG Batchair. The cause of all this.

They could wreck it but…

“We couldn’t,” Duke looked at Cass.

“We can’t,” Cass agreed.

It was Batman’s chair.

Resolute, Duke placed his hand on the Batchair’s right armrest and traced his fingers over it. He blinked. Something felt off. More carefully this time, he ran his fingers up and down the armrest. _Aha!_ There was a slight groove.

With Cass watching, he pulled at the thing until a long stretch of black tape came off.

“Ohhh,” Cass gasped.

“How did we never notice this?” Duke continued to unwrap the tape, and Cass began to do the same to the other armrest.

“We’re all usually in long sleeves and gloves,” Cass murmured, “no way to notice.”

  
  
“You think Alfred fixed up the chair like this?” Duke asked as he inspected the scratched- up and worn out armrest beneath the tape. It was weird seeing something that sort of symbolized the Bat’s control as… well, beat up.

“No. He would’ve replaced it,” Cass squinted at the damage.

“It had to have been Bruce,” Duke decided, “you know he can get weirdly sentimental about stuff sometimes.”

“We need to put the tape back on,” Cass began rewrapping her armrest.

“Wait! We may be able to use this somehow,” Duke protested.

  
  
Cass gave him a look. “We want to get rid of the new chairs. Not ALL the chairs. Unless you prefer standing.”

“Ahh,” Duke sighed, “good point.” 

The two carefully reapplied the black tape, so no one would ever be the wiser about the damage that the Batchair took. 

They still weren't done though. Just to be sure of Alfred the Butler’s reaction, Cass and Duke took out the big guns. Fur balls, courtesy of Alfred the Cat, to stick all over the place. They were Stephanie’s idea.

Now all there was left to do was wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love how Bruce still feels the childish need to do things below his guardian's radar.


	8. Don't Be Suspicious, Don't Be Suspicious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Plan Batmess to go into action...

Two hours later, Duke and Cass were chilling with the pets in the cave (minus Batcow who had her own pasture on the grounds). Duke’s heartbeat pounded a bit too loudly in his chest. He was nervous, but also a bit excited. Pulling off an underhanded deception felt more like an initiation into the inner circle of the Batclan than wearing the Batsymbol itself.

In contrast, Cass appeared to be the picture of tranquility. Sitting cross-legged, she used one hand to stroke Alfred the cat on her lap and the other hand to hold up the book _“The Glass Castle”_ by Jeannette Walls. Duke admired her poise.

At first, he tried petting Ace and Titus to calm down, but eventually the German Shepard and Great Dane respectively moved away. Honestly, Duke counted those ten minutes as a win. Normally, the dogs only let Damian, Bruce, and Alfred near them. Duke was pretty sure that Robin trained them to disregard everyone else.

Currently, Duke was flipping through the old entries of his personal journal. He chuckled at his experimental list of superhero pseudonyms which included “Lark,” “Yellow Bat,” and “The Soldier.” Also “Superior Robin,” but that was just to tick off Damian.

A loud grumble erupted from Goliath’s stomach, making Cass and Duke flinch simultaneously. Because of that, they almost missed Alfred’s impeding arrival. Cass shot Duke a look. They then proceeded to act casual: Duke started writing nonsense words in his journal and Cass brought her book close enough to her face that it almost bopped her nose. They soon heard Alfred’s British sounds of disapproval.

Waiting a whole, excruciating minute, they let the entirety of the mess sink in before going over to greet the poor man. “Hey, Alfie,” Duke walked up to the butler. At that moment, Alfred was inspecting a fairly large furball which was floating in Nightwing’s cereal bowl.

“How’s it going?”

“Not well, Master Thomas,” Alfred grimaced. Normally, Alfred put Bruce’s poker face to shame, but right then his eyebrows were twitching like jittery trigger fingers. “It looks like you and the rest of the family forget how to care of your things.”

“Oh man, yeah,” Duke pretended to be surprised by the mess, “it’s gotten real bad, huh? I guess with the new _chairs_ , we’ve all been hanging out here more. And it’s easier to pass over the clutter with all the new _chairs_ around.”

Cass’ elbow nudged him in the ribs. Maybe he was being a bit too heavy-handed, but they needed the point to be crossed.

“Yes, things have changed,” Alfred sighed. He opened his mouth to speak further when a sharp ding sounded from his monitor. Words forgotten, Alfred moved over to the rocking chair. Sitting down, he picked up the Jane Austen book. As he skimmed his new message, his fingers firmly yet lovingly straightened out each dog-eared page.

Cass and Duke stood there awkwardly for a while. Cass gave Duke a look.

“Uhm, Alfie” Duke approached the older man, “do you need help cleaning up? Or do you want to scold us some more?”

“Hmm? Oh no, it’s quite alright,” Alfred shook his head, “it’s about time everyone learned to pick up after themselves. Besides, my patrons are expecting an update soon. I’m discussing my upcoming podcast.”

“But Alfred!” Duke couldn’t help the whining note in his voice. Cass took his arm and pulled him away.

“That’s very nice,” Cass conceded, “we won’t disturb you.”

“Why’d you do that!?” Duke stopped in his tracks, “I could’ve gotten through to him.”

“No, you could not. Alfred is very proud of his patrons. He would not jeopardize that.”

“Damn it,” Duke cursed, “I really didn’t want to resort to Plan B.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Online fame really changes people, even Alfreds.


	9. You were Supposed to Keep an Eye on Them!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short obstacle before Plan B is put into effect.

Cass and Duke headed back to the pets. As they got closer, a weird, squelching noise was heard.

“What the hell is that?” Duke exclaimed. The Batkids started to hurry and found Goliath chomping on… something unknown. Swerving their heads quickly, they were relieved to find Alfred the cat, Titus, and Ace unharmed.

Without hesitation, Cass approached Goliath and shook her head at him, “down, boy!” The ginormous beast grumbled unhappily. Refusing to back down, Cass gave him two firm raps on the nose with her fist, “down.”

Finally, Goliath obeyed her and two dead, mangled bats dropped out of his maw.

“Shit,” Duke cursed, “that’s gross.”

Cass looked down at the pair of carcasses, their cracked and broken wings a grotesque imitation of the symbol on their chests, “I really hope that isn’t a warning.”

“Wait a second!” Horrified, Duke focused his wide eyes on Cass. “Isn’t Goliath a Dragon Bat? Did we just let Damian’s pet commit _cannibalism_!?”

“Damian can never know,” Cass swore firmly.

Without their noticing, Alfred the Cat crept closer to the bats. He cautiously began batting at one of the carcasses with his paw. When there was no response, he grew bolder and pounced on it.

“No, Cat Alfred!” Duke cried and pulled the feline away.

Cass scolded Goliath, very upset. Duke almost found it funny how the beast shuffled his legs and bowed his head.

“Apologize to Duke too,” she pulled on Duke’s hand. He stumbled in front of the giant Dragon Bat. Any humor for the situation disappeared. “Um,” Duke stammered nervously, taking note on how Goliath could chomp his head right off. The beast leaned closer and Duke nearly suffered a heart attack. Goliath opened his mouth. And then—!

Goliath licked Duke’s forehead. Not in a _“huh, you taste promising”_ way but more of a _“I’m so sorry and you definitely don’t taste like chicken”_ sort of way. Choking out a gasp, Duke focused on Cass’ strong hand in his own. It was the only reason he wasn’t squealing in fear at the sight of Goliath’s giant incisors. Instead, he endured Goliath’s stanky, furnace-levels of hot breath. Thankfully, Goliath soon retreated backwards.

“We should feed the pets now,” Cass piped up after Duke had relaxed a bit.

“And take care of the bats,” Duke huffed out, still a bit stunned.

“Not It,” Cass declared in all seriousness.

“I regret ever teaching you that,” Duke rolled his eyes but chuckled. Plan A may have been a failure, but at least he still had his partner at his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was a cool idea, Batmango, but those bats will not be eating food scraps any time soon. RIP Batty I and Batty II. May they find many delicious food scraps in the afterlife.


	10. Ready?

By the time Duke buried the bats with the touching eulogy of “goodbye” and Cass fed the pets some top-shelf kibble and fish, Alfred had left the Batcave again.

Besides the Jane Austen novel, the mess was left untouched.

“I think the new chairs have changed Alfred most of all,” Duke contemplated out loud.

“You just buried two bats,” Cass responded.

“… Fair point,” Duke conceded. He swept his gaze over the enemies, five nasty-looking chairs. “So, are you ready to do this?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Cass nodded gravely. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone recognize the quote from the Tangled cartoon? XD
> 
> Also, due to a bad case of writer's block and a larger workload from my job, the last chapters will not be posted daily like usual but should be finished by next week.
> 
> I'm so happy that people are enjoying my 1st solo fanfic. Your comments really make my day! I hope you return next week to finish this story with me :)


	11. B is for Batkid Banter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh Plan B. What could it possibly entail? Let’s brainstorm.  
> B stands for bad, bots, bang, beast, burp, blackmail.  
> But all those things couldn’t possibly have to do with what comes next…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back! Man, I really wanted to add all the last chapters in at once but this has been a rushed week with work, traveling, and all. I think I slept through Wednesday?.... Or maybe time travelled. Honestly, both are equally possible in 2020. Anyway, I’m back to a chapter/ a day. Perhaps that’s better. Leave the bingeing to Netflix lol. Hope you enjoy today’s!

Plan B was what actually took up the most time during the Batscheming session. So many things could go wrong, every little detail had to be choreographed.

At first, Duke and Stephanie were less than supportive of this plan…

_Cass, Stephanie, and Duke stared at the cartoony drawings on the whiteboard. Plan A hardly filled one corner._

_“There needs to be a backup plan in case Alfred doesn’t work out,” Stephanie said what everyone was thinking._

_“Blow up the chairs,” Cass replied with a straight-face._

_Duke and Stephanie made eye contact before bursting out in laughter._

_“Ha ha, real funny,_ shǎguā _,”_ _Stephanie used her favorite Mandarin word to tease her girlfriend. Spoiler playfully punched Orphan’s shoulder. Cass didn’t budge._

_“You can’t be serious,” Duke exclaimed._

_Cass raised an eyebrow at them, “incidents happen: villains attack, training accidents, faulty tech…”_

_“So which one of those ‘incidents’ are you considering?” Stephanie bit her lower lip, perturbed but also a bit turned on by her devious bae._

_“All three,” Cass grinned and turned to Duke, “the scavenged bots from our last Outsiders mission.”_

_“The ones that Lex Luthor made,” Duke recalled, “so what, you want us to bring them here?”_

  
  
_“Batman wasn’t there for that mission,” Cass shrugged, “no one but us knows that they’re completely deactivated.”_

_“It’s pretty standard for us to train against villains’ weapons,” Steph was starting to warm up to the idea, “I remember it taking a whole week to defrost my cape after a test run with Dr. Freeze’s gun.”_

_“The others will think we’re idiots who brought in compromised tech,” Duke protested._

_“Better idiots than chair-destroying maniacs, I guess,” Stephanie countered._

_“But what if they just decide to replace the chairs? Then it’ll all be for nothing,” Duke kept trying to be the voice of reason._

_“You remember how long it took everyone to pick out chairs last time. We just need to stall them until they forget about it.”_

_“This is a bad idea,” Duke frowned._

_“Do you have a better idea? Or even just another idea?”_

_“Noo,” Duke frowned in annoyance, “not yet.”_

_“For the good of the team, the chairs must go,” Cass asserted._

_“Come on, Dukey,” Stephanie activated her puppy eyes, “it couldn’t hurt just to consider the idea. Show me the blueprints of the bots at least.”_

_Duke hesitated and glanced at Cass. Instantly, he knew that he had lost. Cass was channeling the Batclan’s most secret weapon: the sad orphan look. All were defenseless against it._

_“Okay, okay,” Duke used his techno arm gauntlet to pull up a hologram file on the Luthor bots._

_“Aww, they’re so cute!” Stephanie cooed at the images._

_“And deadly,” Cass chided her girlfriend._

_“Just like you then!” Stephanie saucily winked at her, “besides, you’ve got to admit that they sort of resemble cartoon cherries!”_

_Duke took a hard look at the bots: bright red spheres with a single thick black rotor… But only Stephanie would’ve called out that likeness._

_“Cherry Bombs does have a better ring to it than Luthor Bots,” Duke snickered._

_Cass rolled her eyes, a bit miffed that her serious plan was being hijacked by these doofuses._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 傻瓜 Shǎguā = silly melon.  
> I wanted to find a Shanghai-dialect specific pet name (because that's where Cass was based at for a long while), but the internet dictionaries are limited to “hello,” “where is the bathroom,” and other niceties. If you know any more interesting Shanghainese words let me know below!


	12. What Does the Cherry Bomb Say?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Batscheming flashback continues…

_To begin with, Duke and Cass needed to retrieve the Cherry Bombs from the Outsiders’ storage facility without drawing attention from Katana and Black Lightning. Luckily, the adult superheroes were occupied in the country Khadym, tying up loose ends after their undercover mission._

_After obtaining the Cherry Bombs, the Bat Trio rendezvoused at Stephanie and Cass’ personal gym on their building’s lowest level. Duke already figured out how to program the Cherry Bombs to locate and attach themselves to the nearest data storage, a safety protocol that seemed like a very Lex thing to do._

_It’d put the Cherry Bombs right at the Batcomputer. Of course Cass and Duke couldn’t be cautious with all of the Batclan’s information on the line. Destroying the Cherry Bombs immediately would be the only response. Everyone would see the nearby chairs as regrettable yet understandable casualties. At least, that’s what Duke hoped._

_The Batcomputer, on the other hand, had to be protected. Despite Batman's demand for radio silence, the Batclan often traded stories during lengthy stake-outs. Just silly anecdotes ranging from train surfing to fighting the Justice League. One of these stories surfaced in Duke's mind as the Bat Trio prepared for Plan B._

_Once during their rookie days, Dick and Barbara were goofing off and managed to spill their milkshakes on the Batcomputer. Thank Lady Justice, it turned out to be fine, but Robin and Batgirl were punished with clean-up duty. Not for a few days or weeks, but for the following MONTHS. Learning from their predecessors' mistakes, n_ _either Cass nor Duke wanted to discover the best manner in_ _cleaning the cobwebs off of the T-Rex's teeth or polishing the giant penny._

_Given the more sensitive task, Duke and Cass comprehended the gravitas of their self-appointed mission while Stephanie…. Well, Spoiler was ‘supervising’ while devouring a bag of M &M cookies. Once in a while, she’d pitch in with sound effects._

_“Boom!” Stephanie yelled when Cass’ bo staff halted a centimeter away from a Cherry Bomb._

_“Whoosh, pow!” She shouted when Duke acted out whipping and throwing a Cherry Bomb with his specialty eskrima sticks._

_“Wham!” Cass twitched at Stephanie’s accompanying clap to the prior’s spin kick._

_“Okay, enough,” Cass stopped and pushed a button on her gauntlet to pause the Cherry Bombs, “this is serious.”_

_  
  
“I’m being serious!” Stephanie protested, rainbow crumbs falling off her lips._

_“It’s pretty distracting, Steph,” Duke agreed with Cass._

_“What, you really think the Cherry Bombs will go down quietly? Batman always drones on about being prepared. That must include auditory distractions!”_

_“They don’t even sound like that,” Cass rolled her eyes._

_“What then do they sound like?”_

_“Zzzz,” Cass attempted to mimic the loud buzzing noise._

_Stephanie’s brows furrowed in confusion, “bzzz?”_

  
  
“No, zzzzzzz,” Cass tried again.

_“Actually, I remember a distinct dzzz,” Duke joined in._

_“Maybe we should check?” Stephanie glanced at one of the hovering Cherry Bombs._

_“Wreck it and I’ll drink all your almond milk,” Cass swore._

_“FINE, they can’t sound worse than a snoring Tim anyway,” Stephanie sniffed indignantly._

****

_“Come on, let’s rehearse one more time from the top,” Duke put them back on track. If it came down to it, Plan B was going to work. It had to._

_Despite Cass’ seriousness, neither she nor Stephanie had to worry much about getting caught. Their long history with the others would eventually pardon their duplicity._ _Duke wasn’t so sure that he earned the same privilege yet._

_It was his attempt to get closer to the Batclan that got them into this mess. Maybe it would’ve been better if he kept his distance like Catwoman and Huntress. Either way, right now it was his responsibility to save the Batclan from themselves._

_As he pretended to bash in a Cherry Bomb, Duke sent up an internal prayer that Plan A would succeed and Alfred would take over the chair-ejection. But there was a sinking feeling in his stomach that told him it wouldn't be that easy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise no more flashbacks. We’re going right into the thick of it tomorrow! But I’m curious, how do you all feel about the flashbacks? This is naturally how my mind went through the story, but do you find the transitions jarring? Let me know in the comments!


	13. Dios Mio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness! Completely slipped my mind to post until now.

Duke would never admit it to her, but Stephanie’s sound effects actually did prepare him for the Cherry Bombs’ discord. Plan B erupted with a _BOOM,_ a _WHOOSH,_ a _POW,_ a _WHAM_ and even a _Zzzzz._

And, oh man, did the Batcave carry an echo!

Cass and Duke began by destroying their own chairs, it only felt fair. Duke may have been a bit too glad at the sight of his own chair burning up. He was pretty sure the thing tied a permanent knot in his back.

****

“Nighty night!” Cass yelled while her bo staff whacked a Cherry Bomb towards Tim’s chair.

Duke stopped dead in his tracks to look at Orphan. Never before had he heard her quip. Like _never._ Cass was more the silent but deadly type.

“Steph,” Cass quirked a grin at him before engaging in a backflip. She landed on a Cherry Bomb as planned.

Duke understood. After Izzy got over the shock of his new official superhero status, she wrote him a list of one-liners.

“No boyfriend of mine is gonna use some puns _de mierda_ ,” she promised. The gift was both touching and a bit hurtful by how little she thought of his natural sense of humor. 

This was as good as a time as any to put them in action, even if the emotionless bots couldn’t appreciate them.

“Geez, Apple must’ve made you ‘cause that’s a short lifespan,” Duke shouted as his Eskrima sticks whipped a Cherry Bomb at the rocking chair. The contained explosion flared and steadily ate away at the wood.

“You’ve got an explosive personality!” Duke dropped low and slid under a Cherry Bomb to shish kebab it from below. He pitched it towards Damian’s chair like a lacrosse ball.

“Rust in peace!” he cheered as Cass set the last extra chair up in flames (that one-liner wouldn’t be found on Izzy’s list).

Plan B was accomplished and the two extra bots hadn't even been used yet. Duke felt a swell of pride and relief. Cass gestured at him. He wasn’t fluent in ASL yet, but the meaning was impossible not to understand. Duke would be getting the honors of smashing the last Cherry Bombs.

He decided to go off script and add a bit of pizzazz to his performance. He had been wanting to test out his Eskrima sticks' newest feature for a while now: a long-distance, powerful electric charge. Emphasis on _powerful_. Duke pointed the Eskrima sticks at a Cherry Bomb and took the perfect shot. At least, it would’ve been perfect if the Zeta Tube didn’t interrupt.

**RECOGNIZED NIGHTWING – B01**

**RECOGNIZED Starfire – B34**

Caught off guard, Duke’s aim went a bit haywire and the high electricity went right into the face of Damian’s favorite Dragon Bat. Cass and Duke wanted to keep the pets close after what happened last time (RIP Batty I and Batty II). That may’ve been a mistake. Reacting to the sharp pain, Goliath’s black irises shrunk until only the molten-gold orbs could be seen. A full-throated screech flew out of the beast’s maw.

“Goliath,” Cass attempted to calm the beast but the plea fell on deaf ears. Enraged, the Dragon Bat released its ginormous wings and charged ahead, straight towards the Batcomputer and straight towards Cass and Duke.

_“Dios mio,”_ Duke borrowed one of his girlfriend’s favorite phrases. Cass and him were going to be punished with clean-up duty for years. You know, if they didn’t need to clean-up their own squished corpses off the ground first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Puns de mierda = shitty puns  
> Dios mio = OMG


	14. Dragon Bat Riding

Duke might’ve as well have fallen into another one of his nightmares. Although he’d always wake up right before the demon bats or flaming horses could attack. No chance of that happening here.

Despite his colossal size, Goliath lunged forward like an enraged bull. Last second, Duke’s honed instincts kicked in and he dove to the side. On his way down, Goliath’s wing pushed into his chest and forced all the air out. Fortunately, Duke’s suit absorbed most of the impact from the fall, so he could focus on gaining his breath back.

A bit dazed, Duke watched as Cass flitted around the Dragon Bat. Her quick dodges and fluid sidesteps made it seem surreal. As if the pair were engaged in a sort of strange dance.

Too slowly, Duke’s mind connected the dots. Cass was attempting to lead Goliath away from the Batcomputer while simultaneously applying a soothing tone to calm the beast down.

She would’ve been successful too if it weren’t for the still-thriving flames at their backs.

As he spun around, Goliath’s massive tail whipped out and toppled the burning rocking chair. The flames merged with the fire eating away at Damian’s gaming chair. Growing stronger, the fire jumped to Duke’s chair and then Nightwing’s. With each fuel source, the hellacious blaze increased in height. The reflection of the bright red and yellow lights danced gleefully on the dark screen of the Batcomputer.

Basically, it resembled the scene from a horror movie when things were about to get a lot worse.

Panting heavily, Duke managed to pull himself to his feet. He knew what he had to do.

“Contain the fire!” He shouted at Cass. Not waiting to hear her reply, Duke sprinted towards the distracted Goliath and climbed up his furry back. By the time he reached the beast’s neck, the Dragon Bat definitely noticed his presence.

“ARR-OOOT,” Goliath roared.

Duke suppressed his shudder and tightened his grip. They were headed towards the empty training ring.

Summoning his powers, Duke covered Goliath’s burning eyes with swathes of dark shadows. He remembered hearing somewhere that blindfolds worked to relax horses in extreme situations. Stripped of his sight, Goliath needed to rely on his other senses.

The Dragon Bat heard Duke, “hey there, it’s okay. I’m so sorry we got you pulled into this. Damian’s going to kill us and I almost don’t blame him. But you’re fine now. I promise no one is trying to hurt you.”

  
  
As Duke muttered his pacifying words, he rubbed a spot behind one of Goliath’s floppy ears. Over and over again. Duke wasn’t sure how long that he clung to the beast’s back. In the background, he could make out yelling.

“X’Hal!” A woman called out.

“Holy guano!” Without glancing over, Duke knew that had to be Dick.

Endorphins and adrenaline coursed through Duke’s veins. He ached to go and help, but Goliath still needed him. The others could control the flames on their own.

“It’s alright, Goliath. I’m here, I’m here,” at this point, Duke’s arms and legs were wrapped around the Dragon Bat so tightly that letting go wasn’t even an option.

“Hrrm,” Goliath grumbled yet gradually his heavy breathing slowed. Duke felt the beast lower himself onto the stone ground. Just to be safe, Duke continued his reassurances and ear massage. 

In spite of his peculiar position, Duke also calmed down. Goliath produced as much body heat as a furnace. Duke let himself relax and sink into the fur like an oversized pillow.

This was nice. He decided it couldn’t hurt to stay there a bit longer.


	15. Are You An Angel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re about to wrap up this fic! Just a couple more chapters to tie up loose ends.

“Greetings, warrior Duke. Are you alright?” A melodious voice drew him out of his drowsy state. Goliath shifted slightly beneath him, but otherwise stayed still.

Duke opened his bleary eyes and immediately his vision was overloaded with color.

The figure before him radiated green light along with a fiery red halo. Duke wondered if this was what Martian angels looked like? If so, they were stunning. It took a few seconds before he registered that his powers weren’t reigned in. After a few strong blinks, Duke saw the figure as she truly was— even more intimidating than a Martian angel.

The legendary Starfire was there in person and had caught him napping. Duke quickly wiped his mouth with his fist in case there was any drool. There was none but his face still burned hot. He should’ve just let Goliath eat him.

“I’m—um…” Duke stammered painfully, “I’m alright, thank you! Are you alright? I mean, of course you’re alright, look at you! I mean…”  
  
Duke clamped his mouth shut before anything else could spill out.

He was literally out of his league here.

To Duke’s amazement, Starfire giggled at his outburst. “I am truly blessed to hear that. You had us worried.”

Without his noticing, Cass and Dick had walked up besides Goliath. They were both watching him with concern, but Duke could see Cass’ lips twitch at his tongue-tied display. Then without thinking, his eyes wandered back to Starfire.

The warrior princess was clad in dark purple armor from neck to toe— except for her exposed, muscular arms. Her cocoa-brown biceps, big enough to crack his head like a nut, reminded him of a _luchadora_ that Izzy followed. Glittery emerald-like gems laid encrusted in her leg armor like knee guards and around her neck in the fashion of a gaudy necklace.

However, the gems had nothing on her eyes, completely enveloped in a green glow. Her irises smoldered a darker shade, promising a fight to anyone who’d dare to cross her.

That wasn’t the only warning of danger. Starfire’s high cheekbones jutted out sharply from her heart-shaped face. A careless finger could get cut on those. Below them, a pale scar drew attention to her magenta-painted lips which curled up in a gentle smile.

What really kept Duke’s attention was the red-golden sunset of flowing, tight curls that encircled her head. Duke blinked twice. There were actual flames flickering across her locks. How the hell did she avoid setting her hairbrush on fire?

“ _Duke,”_ Nightwing interrupted Duke’s gawking, “do you need help getting down?”  
  
“Oh, um,” Duke did his best to act like he hadn’t been gawking at Starfire for the past minute, “I think I’ll be alright.” He swung his leg over Goliath’s back to slide off, but it must’ve fallen asleep. Off-balance from the useless appendage, he would’ve fallen flat on his face if Starfire wasn’t there to catch him.

He prayed to every goddess and god that Cass didn’t hear his fanboy squeal.

Starfire gingerly handed him over to Dick, yet the movement still aggravated his aching chest. A pained groan escaped from Duke's mouth. 

“Take it easy, you can’t just walk away from a direct hit from a Dragon Bat,” Dick lightly scolded him.

“Hmph,” Duke grunted. As if one Dragon Bat tail could take him down. Duke's exhaustion, a side effect from his nightmare-plagued nights, was just making it more difficult to cover up his discomfort. Duke opted not to tell the Dick that lest he be goodwill-drugged to sleep like Tim.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got him,” Nightwing slung Duke’s arm around his shoulders, “can you two supervise Syl’Khee? We don’t want his appetite to spread to the rest of the Batcave.”

  
  
‘What’s a Syl’Khee?” Duke asked as they walked back towards the Batcomputer.

“Syl’Khee is my Tamaranean friend,” Starfire answered without really satisfying his question, “and recently he’s gotten a taste for barbecue.”

“Umm,” Duke was about to try again when he saw it. A pink-furry creature climbing over the charred Batchairs. Gawking, he stared as the tiny thing chewed off way more than it could possibly stomach. It— Syl’Khee—paused for a moment to burp up fire and a wad of purple fabric soared out of its mouth.

“Syl’Khee!” Starfire scolded the creature, “I taught you to have better manners than that!”

  
To its credit, the pink moth-monster-alien-thing did appear a bit chagrined after that. Its long antennas flattened against its marble-shaped head and its humongous, shiny black eyes could’ve rivalled Stephanie’s puppy eyes.

If Duke wasn’t used to running into weird situations by then, he would’ve requested to be checked for a concussion. As it was, he let Nightwing tug him towards the Batcave’s infirmary anyway.

His job there was done. The first thing he did was check that the OG Batchair and Batcomputer weren’t damaged. They were fine. The mission was technically a success even if a few of his ribs had to be sacrificed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I just spend nearly an entire chapter describing Starfire’s beauty? Hell yeah I did. I love her OG comics design. Star possessed an immaculate curly mane of hair. She was so butch that her wedding dress needed to be custom made! Yeah, I know her character was introduced to renounce rumors of Batman & Robin’s homosexuality and titillate straight male readers (ewww), but the artwork was just simply divine. Her body language, facial expression… they encapsulate her free, joyful nature. It puts me off when artists draw her emotionless, it’s like a whole other person.
> 
> In the 1st season of Titans, Anna Diop did get the OG curls which sadly disappeared in the second season (but she did gain coolor & comfier outfits). Recently in mainstream comics, Star has been slimmed and her hair straightened. I can find things to like about all of these new artistic interpretations, but, in a universe where most women look like Barbies, I miss her unique body builder image. At least her uniforms are getting more reasonable, but I’m still waiting for the battle armor that’d be fitting for a warrior princess. The new hair flames are pretty epic (although I’m a bit confused why they aren’t green…)


	16. Brotherly Blackmail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for being late! I really got no excuse this time, but I hope the slightly longer chapter makes up for that :)

Off on their own, Nightwing helped Duke up onto an examination table. Hissing through his teeth, Duke uncomfortably removed his shirt to reveal a smattering of purplish-blue bruises.

“Goliath got you good,” Nightwing whistled at the sorry sight.

“Lucky shot,” Duke grumbled but grinned, still on a high from accomplishing Plan B.

“You’re right,” Nightwing moved on to press on Duke’s chest to probe the full extent of the injury. Duke winced but didn’t protest. “If Goliath really had a vendetta, you would’ve been left with at least a few holes. He’s a lot like his owner in that regard.”

Duke thought back to his last team-up with the Heir to the Demon. The boy’s sword dripped with red at the end of it. Freaking out, Duke whisked his head around to discover the Condiment King lamenting the loss of his very-stabbed ketchup blaster.

And then, the other day at lunch, Cass and Duke were lounging in the cave with the pets. They were enjoying some _Batburger_ takeout: a Deluxe Batburger for Duke and a Two-Face Sandwich for Cass. They even treated the pets: Robin Nuggets for the dogs and Riddle-Me-Fish for Alfred the Cat and Goliath (what Damian didn’t know wouldn’t kill them).

Duke and Cass turned around for **one minute** to watch a viral video of Shazam. The man-boy was flossing with no shame.

They looked back to find the _Batburger_ bag impaled between Goliath’s fangs, ketchup and mustard leaking out of the holes. 

“There’s definitely a resemblance,” Duke readily agreed.

“Well, your ribs are in good shape,” Nightwing finally pulled his hands away from Duke (who sighed in relief), “we just need wrap up those bruises and get an ice pack on it.”

“Cool! No bed rest for me,” Duke was relieved. There was too much work to be done to even consider a short break.

“So… What a lucky coincidence that Star and I showed up when we did,” Nightwing threw out that off-handed comment before wandering a short distance away. He began ruffling through the shelves to gather the right medical tools.

“Mmm yeah,” Duke acknowledged, “you really saved the day.”

  
  
“I wouldn’t say that,” Nightwing argued, “you and Cass defeated a bunch of Luthor Bots before we even arrived.”

“Cherry Bombs,” Duke corrected him quickly without thinking.

Nightwing shot him a sharp look.

“Uhm, that’s just what we, the Outsiders I mean, call—called them. Because they look like cherries….” Duke’s previous high was sinking fast at every passing second.

“Oh, that’s adorable,” Nightwing smirked, “actually, it sounds like the sort of thing Steph would make up. I've noticed that you two have gotten closer recently.”

  
  
“Ha ha yeah,” Duke lifted his arms as Nightwing began to draw the elastic bandage around his chest. Unconsciously, his legs began to sway an anxious tempo beneath the examination table.

“You know, I’m really proud of you and Cass. It’s pretty alarming when something goes wrong in here. We’re trained to be prepared for everything, but the Batcave is supposed to be our safe haven. However, you two kept your calm and handled the _Cherry Bombs_ without any harm done. Well, except for the chairs. But maybe they’re not that much of a loss. What do you think, Duke?”

Duke swallowed heavily. Nightwing wasn’t making eye contact, but Duke still felt pressed by the hero’s undivided attention. Even though there’s no way that Nightwing could know what Duke, Steph, and Cass set up. Probably… Hopefully. Then again, the man was known to be the second greatest detective in the world.

(Duke liked to fancy himself as the fourth-best, after Barbara Gordon but tied with Tim).

“As long as no one’s hurt, the mission is a success,” Duke rattled off the mantra that he’s heard many times before. Nightwing responded by snipping off the end of the bandage. He then firmly tied the bandage tight enough to stay put but not to hurt.

“Thanks,” Duke coughed out, “feels better already.”  
  


“I always found a successful mission to be the best cure-all,” Nightwing turned around to locate the ice pack.

Duke waffled on delivering the right response. Did or did not Nightwing know about what they did? Duke never got the opportunity to answer.

Nightwing returned to his side, juggling the ice pack in his hands. “I’ll see to it that no one orders another chair.”  
  


Duke’s jaw dropped, “why would you do that?”  
  


“I mean, it’s not really healthy staying at the screen all day, is it?” Nightwing shrugged and tossed the ice pack over. Duke, already rattled, nearly had it slip out of his hands. “Actually, related to that, I have a small favor to ask of you.”

“What is it?” Duke inquired warily. He gently laid the icepack on his chest, the cold brought near-instant relief to his smarting skin.

“After you heal, I want you to spar with me. Think of it as a rematch after last time,” Nightwing resolutely folded his arms together.

“You mean during the Robin War, when you fell on your ass?” Let it be known, no one ever commended Duke on knowing when to keep his mouth shut.

"You have a good right hook," Nightwing rubbed his chin's phantom pain, "and I'd love to see what you're capable of now with your tricked-out Eskrima sticks."

"Uhm, I don't know. I gotta check my schedule," Duke offered up a token protest, but in reality he was very excited at the prospect of training with Nightwing. Who knew? Maybe he'd gain enough approval to earn the acclaimed trapeze lessons.

"That's fine," Nightwing sighed heavily, "I can always watch your old fights in the meantime... Although Batman's been utilizing the Batcomputer a lot recently... Maybe we'll need to keep the extra chairs and monitors after all."

"No!" Duke nearly shouted, "I can definitely find time to spar. But be warned, I won't go easy on you."  
  
  
"I'd be disappointed if you did," Nightwing laughed cheerfully before growing serious, "hey Duke...I'm um.... the thing is none of us really came into this family for happy reasons, but I’m really glad that you did. You brought us something that we didn't know we needed. Anyway, I'm just trying to say that I'm proud to call you my brother-in-arms.”

“Oh," Duke flushed. He was nearly tempted to ask Nightwing to repeat himself. Just to be sure that he heard him right. But it was time to be honest. "Thanks, Dick. That means a lot,” Duke gripped Nightwing’s offered elbow to steady himself before hopping off the examination table, “despite everything… I’m really happy that I got the chance to know you all. At first, I didn't feel like I belonged here. You're all so incredible in your own ways and I... I just decided to put on a red hoodie and take a name whose history I didn't know yet. But fighting alongside the others in the Robin War, I finally felt like I was doing something that mattered. Even if my parents weren't there to witness it... And after finding out what happened to them, it meant a whole lot that you all were there for me. That there were people who understood the kind of pain that the Joker and people like him can cause. To realize that the pain can be harnessed to do good so no one else has to feel that way. And if I can pay you back for all that by sparring then I'll meet you on the mat everyday." 

Duke took a deep breath after his speech. He really didn't mean to get so emotional. How embarrassing. Nightwing handed back his shirt. Duke took the chance to cover his face and delay seeing Nightwing's reaction.

"I know exactly how you feel," Nightwing's arms twitched, but he let them fall to his sides, "not now, but once you're feeling better, you're not escaping my hugs."

"Oh," Duke felt like he was on top of the world, "in the meantime give me your hand." Duke led Nightwing through a complex handshake of highfives and fistbumps. "Do you think you can remember that?"

  
  
"If I can handle Wally's quick moves then I can definitely do this," Nightwing promised, "do you and Cass have a handshake as well?"

  
  
"Um, no," Duke and Nightwing began to walk toward the women and the pets, "do you think she'd be into that?"

  
  
"Duh, Cass is all about body langugage!" Nightwing exclaimed. Duke filed that information away for later. Despite his aching chest, he felt really good. His original problem-solving took a weird turn, but Duke was getting what he wanted after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it really blackmail if both sides leave happy? You tell me.


	17. Starfire is a Disney Princess

Starfire lounged in the OG Batchair, the sole survivor of Syl’Khee’s appetite. The Tamaranean pet sat snoozing in her lap. Its antennas fluttered over its face in rhythm with its gentle snores.

Sometime ago, Goliath had returned to the front of the Batcave. He wore a hangdog expression and wouldn’t turn Duke’s way. Drawn to the Dragon Bat’s distress, Alfred the Cat found a patch of fur on Goliath’s arm to claim as his own. After stretching and pawing at it for a while, the cat finally settled down before cuddling Goliath’s face. Not to be left out, the dogs both picked a side of the Dragon Bat to guard. The pet solidarity was unexpected yet adorable.

It took Duke a few seconds to locate Cass buried beneath Starfire’s hair. She seemed to be braiding it Rapunzel-style.

Gathering his courage, Duke let go of Dick’s arm and walked over to Goliath. He waited to be acknowledged before placing his (slightly) trembling hand on the Dragon Bat’s forehead.

“Hey there, friend,” Duke murmured, “I’m doing well, you don’t have to worry.”

  
  
A huff of hot air blew into Duke’s face. He didn’t step back, instead, he reached farther up to scratch behind Goliath’s ear.

“And I’m really sorry for accidentally shooting you with electricity. I hope you’re feeling better,” Duke felt a bit funny for apologizing to a beast, but the wet lick on his forehead told him that it was accepted.

Something nudged his leg. Duke peered down to find Alfred the Cat. The black-and-white feline kept bumping his head against him until Duke moved away. Alfred the Cat then resumed cuddling Goliath.

Confident that Goliath was in good hands (paws?), Duke went over to the others. His prior fanboy for Starfire was more or less under control.

“You did a great job cleaning up the remainder of the chairs,” Duke complimented Cass and Starfire.

“We did nothing,” Cass muttered through the bobby pins sticking out of her mouth. Her attention solely focused on weaving Starfire’s great, unruly mane together.

“Yes, all of the gratitude belongs to Syl’Khee,” Starfire clarified.

“This little guy really ate _all_ of the chairs?” Duke lifted an eyebrow at the creature only a bit bigger than Alfred the Cat. “Like the metal, the fabric, the stuffing—everything!?”

“You can’t get between Syl’Khee and his food,” Nightwing shrugged, “Cyborg lost an arm learning that the hard way.”

“Oh my god,” this was why Duke turned away off-planet missions. Meta powers, immortal assassins, and super-advanced robots were more than enough adventure without adding the extraterrestrial to the mix.

“Fortunately for us,” Nightwing continued, “Syl’Khee is over his transition stage. Before he became accustomed to Earth cuisine, he’d finish a meal by exploding into a pile of pink goo.”  
  
“Whaaaaa?” Duke was sure that his face was twisted in comical surprise but seriously, whaaa?  
  


“A part of me misses that. The pink goo tasted like the Zorkaberries of Tamaran,” Starfire chimed in. Before Duke could wrap his head around that, Cass changed the subject.

“All finished,” Cass declared and put down her hairstyling tools, completely unperturbed by the strange alien pet before her.

“Let me see!” Starfire admired her image in Cass’ mirror, “oh, it’s marvelous!”  
  


“You like it?” Cass shuffled her feet, proud but embarrassed by the Tamaranean’s strong emotions.

“It brings back memories of my father’s impressive braids!” Starfire clasped Cass’ hands within her own, “this fills me with much squee!”  
  


Cass’ cheeks went rosy pink, “then I’m also filled with… much squee.”

Duke held back a snicker at Cass’ floundering. Karma was on his side for once.

Starfire stood up to stretch (Syl’Khee casually rolling off her lap to claim the entirety of the Batchair for its—no— his own). Duke gasped. On top of Goliath, he didn’t really get the effect of her six-feet stature. Yet now she towered over them all. Duke could easily picture the WNBA scouting team trying to butter her up with various deals.

“Now that everyone’s here, I think introductions are in order?” Starfire asked.

  
Duke was confused until she headed over to the pets. Given the presence of Syl’Khee, Duke should’ve known that the warrior princess was an animal lover.

“I’m already acquainted with the mighty Goliath,” Starfire addressed the Dragon Bat, “how are you faring? Damian is playing fetch with you enough?” Cocking her head to the side, she seemed to be listening carefully to Goliath’s growls. “I know but he’s not strong like you and me. Have him bring you to my home and we can play all afternoon!”

In blatant disregard of Damian’s training, Ace and Titus shot up on their legs to greet the guest. Their tags wagged like crazy as she cooed over them. The only unimpressed pet was Alfred the Cat, but he wasn’t going to get away with that for long.

Starfire, oblivious to the mistrust in the feline’s slanted eyes, picked him up by the armpits. “What a beautiful being!” She announced and swung him around. Yowling, Alfred the Cat stretched into a taut bow-shape, but Starfire’s strong grip wouldn’t let him get free.

That’s the scene that Alfred walked into after riding the clock-elevator down into the Batcave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For you OG Teen Titans cartoon fans, Silkie made a comeback in Starfire's 2015 solo comic series. He was rebranded as Syl’Khee the Tamaranean pet.
> 
> For you beautiful-hair fans, I give you Rapunzel Starfire from "Red Hood and the Outlaws" issue 33. You learned it here, Starfire is a Disney princess. She got magic hair and magic hands. She speaks with animals and was once enslaved. People assume all her problems were solved because a big, strong man showed up (AKA Dick).


	18. The Confrontation

“Oh dear,” Alfred’s grey eyes surveyed the new chairless spaces, “this isn’t quite what I meant by cleaning up your own messes.”

“Hey, Alfie,” Nightwing recapped the incident, “don’t freak out but we had a robot malfunction that resulted in Goliath rampaging. The chairs got messed up and Syl’Khee ate their remains. Duke got hurt but we got him patched up.”

“I’m fine now,” Duke reassured Alfred.

“…. I see,” a bemused expression twisted the butler’s face, but like all professionals in his trade he took the explanation in stride, “what a quagmire.”

Duke wanted to ask what was a ‘quagmire,’ but he figured it’d just be best to google it later.

“Lovely to see you again, Ms. Koriand’r,” Alfred addressed Starfire.

“You as well, Alfred,” Starfire swept him into a hug that he permitted for five seconds.

“I imagine you’ll be staying longer? I will fetch some refreshments.”

“How about Tim?” Cass asked.

“The boy is cream-crackered,” Alfred responded, “I’m certain he won’t be up for another few hours.” When the butler’s back was turned, Nightwing mimed slipping something into a cup. Definitely drugged.

  
Not long after, Alfred returned with a platter of cherry tarts, tea, and cucumber sandwiches (Nightwing basically inhaled the latter). The group fell into some easy conversation that ping-ponged around topics: from pastry recipes to Starfire’s blossoming relationship with Green Lantern Jessica Cruz to the latest calamities caused by Ra’s Al Ghul.

More time passed than what Starfire expected.

She stood up suddenly, “I went astray with the accounting of the time! Donna will be upset if I miss our photoshoot,” the warrior princess collected Syl’Khee who was currently tormenting Alfred the Cat with nonsensical noises, “please remind Jason that he promised to introduce Roy and me to his new Outlaws.”

“Will do,” Nightwing swore— Duke effortlessly recognized the black-and-blue hero’s micro-expression, that entertaining event was definitely going to be bugged and passed around for the rest of the Batclan’s enjoyment.

After Starfire and Syl’Khee’s opportune departure, various Batclan members began to arrive at the Batcave. Tim sleepily wandered in the cave, already clutching a freshly-brewed mug of coffee. For once, the Batclan’s number one know-it-all was completely clueless about what had transpired.

Bruce made his appearance in all his CEO business-attire glory which contrasted heavily with the legendary Batman scowl. Alfred already messaged him with a brief update beforehand. Bruce had to endure three more Wayne Enterprises’ meetings before rushing over. Only the assurance that everyone was fine kept him in his seat (well, that and the wrath of Lucius Fox).

Duke squared his shoulders and prepared himself for a much more emotional reaction than Alfred’s.

“What happened,” Bruce ordered. Before anyone else could speak, the Zeta Tube activated.

**RECOGNIZED Red Hood – B37**

Jason stormed over to them.

“The Outlaws mission just wrapped up when I noticed the Cave alert, so I hauled ass over here,” Jason removed his grime-covered helmet and held it underneath his arm, “what the hell happened!?”

That’s when Nightwing, Duke, and Cass exchanged looks. Normally, the silent Batclan communication resulted in the smooth execution of divvied up tasks. That was not what happened here. They spoke over each other like the shell-shocked witnesses of a rogue crime.

“Robots malfunctioned from an Outsiders mission,” Duke stumbled over his words.

“Well, Star came over to visit and guess what we found?” Nightwing exclaimed.

“Duke got hurt,” Cass brought up.

The bewildered listeners compartmentalized Duke and Nightwing’s replies for later. Right then, they zoned in on Duke.

The man in question shivered from the three intense visual examinations. Even Superman’s X-Ray vision couldn’t be so powerful. Duke thanked his lucky stars that none of the Batclan were mind-readers.

“I’m okay! Seriously,” Duke’s strained chuckles relaxed the stares, “just a couple of bruises. Nothing to worry about.”

“How did this occur?” Bruce’s tone was less rigid than before. His words were tinged with concern.

Nightwing, Duke, and Cass took in a simultaneous deep breath.

“Just Duke,” Bruce stopped them short.

“Well,” Duke exhaled, “it’s a bit out there.” Somehow, Duke managed to get through the events without a single interruption—

Or even the accusation that he was dreading, along the lines of _“aha, I know what you did! You, Cass, and Steph plotted to get rid of the chairs on a giant whiteboard covered in caricatures of us, AND THEN you trained with cartoonish-looking bots liberated from the Outsiders’ warehouse while Steph made weird noises, BUT it all went wrong when Duke overconfidently shot Goliath and had to go all rodeo on him. The ONLY reason that the plot kinda succeeded was because of a hungry extraterrestrial pet that didn’t explode into pink good THIS TIME.”_

“That’s really it?” Tim asked Duke point- blank once he was finished.

Duke nodded, not having it within him to speak anymore.

“Ohhhh! For a hot second, I thought you guys just decided to throw them out!” Tim barked out a laugh.

Nightwing burst out into very-conspicuous coughs, “sorry, sorry, a cucumber sandwich went down the wrong way!”

“Take it easy, man,” Jason whacked his older brother on the back, “you know that you’re the only one who eats those things.”

“So, what will be done about the chairs?” Cass pondered aloud.

“My team’s mission uncovered a whole blasted-conspiracy,” Jason volunteered some rare personal information, “I’ll be out of the country for the following weeks.”

“Uhm, I’ve been banned from the Batcomputer for the foreseeable future,” Tim glanced over to Alfred to confirm that, “so, don’t stress over the chairs on my account.”

“I’m back in Oracle’s good graces. Babs has forgiven me for the whole drinking-milk-out-of-the-bottle incident,” Nightwing informed them.

“Gross, dude,” Tim scowled.

Cass jabbed an elbow into Tim’s side, “I caught you last week at Jason’s safe house.”

  
  
“What?” Jason was purposefully ignored.

“In light of the recent events, “ Bruce stated, “it would be best that we postponed retrieving new chairs.” Duke must’ve imagined the flash of relief on his mentor’s face.

“Works for me,” Duke agreed.

“I will inform Steph,” Cass said.

“Now that that’s settled,” Alfred interrupted, “which one of you will assist me in setting up my podcast equipment in the library? I need to prepare for the very first episode of “Managing the Chaos.”

“I’ve got your back, Alfred,” Duke announced before snagging one last cherry tart. The sweet taste lingered on his taste buds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I googled it for you :)  
> quagmire - an awkward, complex, or hazardous situation.
> 
> Coming up, Damian and Steph's return (along with the return of the Batchairs? Dunh dunh dunh...)


	19. "Souvenir!" (to quote Wally West :)

A week later, Stephanie and Damian came back with a helluva lot more baggage than they left with. Stephanie was absolutely loaded with souvenirs.

  * A case of _matcha_ (green tea) along with some complimentary _wagashi_ for Alfred. 



  * A _dakimakura_ (body pillow) of Erza Scarlet for Dick because he does have a thing for badass, red-haired women.



  * A couple of matching _yukatas_ for Cass and herself.



  * The traditional hair accessories, _Edo Tsumami Kanzashi,_ for Cass because obviously Spoiler was going to spoil her girlfriend.



  * A set of origami paper and an accompanying design book for Duke who was always on the lookout for new hobbies to occupy his busy hands.



  * A _Maneki-neko_ (“beckoning cat” figurine) for Selina because, well, cats were her thing.



  * _Sake_ for the drinking buddies Huntress and Batwoman.



  * _Okiagari Koboshi_ dolls to decorate the Watchtower— Oracle acted all serious but her Batclan plushies gave her childish side away. Besides, these traditional dolls symbolized resilience and no one was more resilient than Barbara Gordon.



  * Japanese kitchen knives for Jason (the family’s aspiring cook who’d ensure that they wouldn’t starve if Alfred ever was away).



  * _Omamori_ charms were given to poor Tim who was having a difficult time confessing his feelings to Superboy.



  * _Kawaii_ (cute) toe socks for her friends: Supergirl, Miss Martian, Bombshell, Stargirl, Harper and Cullen Row, and Gotham Girl. 



  * _Kairo_ (heat packs) for Bruce because he values practicality over everything else.



For his part, Damian appeared to be carrying the same amount from his departure with the sole addition of high-quality Japanese stationary and Tombow Fudenosuke brush pens. 

Going in, the pair already knew about the Batchairs incident (Stephanie being aware of much more than Damian). There wasn’t much of a reply before, but Cass and Duke both wanted to be there for Damian’s reaction in person. 

It turned out that Damian discovered a new outlet for his addiction to “Cheese Vikings” in Japan. Stephanie probably didn’t impart that information to them just in case something changed or to avoid suspicion or… Nah, to be honest, she just wanted to mess with Cass and Duke.

Many were fooled by her bubbly giggles and ridiculous jokes, yet Spoiler harbored a secret darkside that usually only awoke on April 1st. 

Back to Damian, the kid went to the Tokyo arcade to play a rare version of “Cheese Vikings” and decided to impulse-buy the _entire_ arcade machine.

“And how much did that cost?” Bruce questioned his son. 

“A worthy amount for such a valuable treasure,” Damian replied, either oblivious or uncaring to his father’s amused eye roll. 

So no one actually wanted the chairs back (even if that wasn’t admitted outright), so the Bat Trio “Get Rid of the Batchairs” scheme was officially a victory.

Without the Batchairs, Duke wondered if he’d be seeing the Batclan less, but that definitely was not the case. 

Out of the blue, Jason invited him to a book reading at his favorite local bookstore. It soon became their thing. Duke was now the proud owner of an autographed “Divergent” series.

A month after receiving the _Omamori_ charms, Tim finally bagged himself a boyfriend. Duke and Izzy were invited on a double date. They both approved of the shy farm boy: Connor was clearly besotted with Red Robin.

To thank Duke for helping out with his podcast, Alfred invited him and his girlfriend into his sacred kitchen domain. The butler decided to pass down his best recipes from crumpets to churros. Although, it was mostly Duke doing the actual cooking. Out of Alfred’s sight, Izzy would goof off and sneak her finger into the cinnamon. Duke tried to stop her and got a brown-powdered nose for his efforts. 

Stephanie and Cass had him over at their personal gym to train about every other week. It turned out that Spoiler liked to make her own sound effects too. A very fruitful distraction. The first **Whaw-Pow** made Duke flinch in surprise and Stephanie took the advantage to flip him on his back. 

Nightwing extended an open invitation to visit his Bludhaven apartment whenever. Taking him up on that offer, Duke discovered some new facts about the original Boy Wonder. For starters, his kitchen was pathetically supplied, so Duke often would bring over some churros or other kitchen creations. More on the cute side, he was introduced to Nightwing’s giant plushie Totoro (from the Ghibli film) that Damian brought back from Japan. Apparently, Damian kept a smaller, matching plushie for himself. That adorable revelation changed how Duke saw the dangerous, little boy.

And somewhere throughout the whole Batchairs debacle, Damian must’ve had changed his views on the ‘Robin imposter’ too. Duke was strongly invited (AKA ordered) to play “Cheese Vikings” with the youngest Batclan member. The game really did improve hand-to-eye coordination. And as a side benefit, Duke picked up on some Arabic swears which startled Ra’s Al Ghul. 

Bruce appreciated Duke’s good influence on his former-assassin son. The billionaire wanted to show his appreciation, so he told Duke to ask for anything. And there’s always been this one small thing in Duke’s mind ever since he first entered the Batcave….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stephanie’s Souvenirs (I just thought it’d be fun to squeeze all the photos together here, she got a lot of stuff for only two weeks abroad!).
> 
> ONE MORE MINI CHAPTER LEFT! YAY. Thank you all for going on this journey with me. It's been fun and very nice reading your comments :)


	20. All Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I originally intended to post this yesterday, but got a surprise family visit (social distancing followed, no worries! :) Also intended this last chapter to be more mini.... oh well.

Mission accomplished, Duke finished assisting Batman in the jet before going back outside. 

Helmet off, he breathed in the fresh air. The site was remote and peaceful. The only movement came from the wind, tugging at the treetops and tickling the flower buds. Farther away, the ocean waves played some of nature’s white noise. The Signal could nearly let his eyes drift shut and pretend that this was a normal beach trip.

However, the sore thumbs of massive destruction that stuck out in the calm blue sky ruined that effect.

Duke leisurely strolled up to the cliff overhang to join Katanna, Black Lightning, and Cass. No one was speaking. Their eyes tracked the slow descent of the three deactivated missiles, the sun reflecting off of the bright red metal as if they were already set aflame.

Below the waves, Mera, Queen of Atlantis, gathered the suitable forces to take care of the debris. 

The Outsiders suffered various slight injuries from taking down this week’s villain, but at least the New Yorkers and their city would be safe. Luckily for them, this wasn’t a Marvel movie. 

Duke shifted on his feet but remained quiet. He appreciated that the team no longer needed words to understand each other. Just like him, they all had to be deeply contemplating the outcome of their actions: the innocent lives that would carry on, the bad guys unable to threaten anyone again, and that the only report of their deeds would be locked away in classified files.

The gravity of the stakes just bowled Duke over sometimes. Not so long ago, his biggest concern was getting into a good college. His life had changed so dramatically in the last few years. Without Izzy, he likely would’ve become just as jaded and grim as the Batman. No wonder Cass was so serious all the time. She was born into this world. Duke always felt a bit protective of the Orphan (even her name was bleak). She never got the chance to be a kid. What if vigilantism was only robbing her of the chance of a normal life? Would Duke ever regret his own decision? Could Izzy ever safely settle down with a superhero? 

Suddenly, the silence felt more like a prison than anything. All of the questions were trapped ricocheting inside of Duke’s head. He needed to say something… Or do something…. Or…

“ **Zzzzzzz**.”

Shaken out of his gloom, Duke turned his head to the source of the odd noise. It was Cass. Her cowl pulled down, she lifted an eyebrow at him. She then pointed a finger at the distant missiles and then made a plummeting thumbs-down.

“ **Zzzzzzz** ,” she repeated meaningfully. Duke looked at her and then the missiles. The cherry-red missiles. 

“Omg,” Duke’s stress dissolved into a fit of giggles, officially shattering the tranquil atmosphere. Cass soon followed. 

Katana and Black Lightning exchanged a glance that could be read as _can you believe these two?_

The two confused adults waited until the raucous laughter died down to ask what the hell was going on. 

“It’s an inside joke,” Cass shrugged and Duke grinned happily. 

“Right,” Katana’s voice dripped with disbelief, “well, if you two are in the mood, we’ve got a mission report to write up.”

“Uh, actually, we got other plans,” Duke unabashedly put his hands in front of himself and shrugged. 

“Batman won’t be pleased about that,” Black Lightning noted, only half serious. 

“He invited us,” Cass divulged.

The man himself then contacted them on the comms, “Signal, Orphan. Are you ready to go?”

“Hell yeah!” Duke cheered. Finally his wish was being granted. 

  
  
  
  
  


One hour later, everyone was at the Batcave. Like _everyone._

Dick and Barbara were throwing popcorn into each other’s mouths, the dropped kernels getting gulped up by the dogs. 

Tim and Damian were fighting over the possession of the strawberry Twizzlers. 

Selina, Steph, and Bette were handing out the cozy blankets to everyone (keeping the softest ones for themselves).

Eyes gleaming, Cass sat star-strucked as Kate and Renee regaled her with stories of beating up zombies and James Bond villain wannabes.

Damian had quickly enlisted the help of Lucas Fox and his dad to turn his ‘Cheese Vikings’ arcade machine into a multi-player.

Claire and Harper were talking about the best care methods for short hair.

Helena just let Jason take a swig out of her flask when Alfred’s back was turned. 

The butler was busy helping Bruce set up the right settings on the Batcomputer. 

While debating the best Quentin Tarantino film, Duke and Cullen were placing the manor chairs in a half-circle around the Batcomputer. Everyone needed a place to sit before the movie began. 

After everyone settled down, the lights turned off and the big screen soon began playing "Pulp Fiction." The superior sound system making it feel like they were right there in the movie. Wrapped up in his blanket, Duke balanced a popcorn bowl on his lap. How on earth could he ever go back to a run-of-the-mill movie theater after this? He used his night vision to check up on his team. His second family. Smiling, he blinked back to normal vision. 

So in turned out that extra Batchairs made a comeback in the Batcave. For one last time (well, at least until the next movie night).


End file.
